


Gett Off

by rummyjoe



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Fluff, Hangover, Karaoke, M/M, handjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-04
Updated: 2012-11-04
Packaged: 2017-11-17 23:23:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/554331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rummyjoe/pseuds/rummyjoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Tony's hungover. Nobody's sympathetic. Also, there was karaoke at some point.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gett Off

**Author's Note:**

> **Trigger Warning:** Natasha makes a roofie joke.  
> 

Tony Stark was drunk off his ass. This was an occurrence that should have been noted on every calendar in the free world because it didn't happen anymore. He still drank. He got buzzed, and sometimes he got tipsy, but he hadn't been well and truly drunk since his birthday party that...he wasn't going to think about right now.

He couldn't believe he'd let Barton and Natasha drag him out with them. He couldn't believe he'd let them bring him to a karaoke bar. No, wait. A hole-in-the-wall drag karaoke bar instead of the good drag karaoke bar where he had a reserved booth. He did have to admit, though, that this place sported an impressive selection of single malts.

A lovely Queen was sitting next to him, nestled under his arm, clapping and hooting as Clint stood, his ridiculous karaoke alias of "Phineas T." having just been called.

Tony squinted at the screens peppered around the bar. "Christ, no, Barton! Not that shit song!" he yelled. "How can you even sing it? There are only like two words in English."

Clint just winked and made his way to the stage. The music began and the stage dancers began to perform the choreography from the video. Clint took a breath and began to sing. If Tony wasn't mistaken, Clint was singing in perfect Korean. 

A skinny drag king in a yellow suit jumped up and started dancing with Clint. What the fuck, did he hang out in karaoke bars wearing that stupid ass suit, just hoping someone would pick that song?

Tony was too drunk for this shit. His brain was starting to get fuzzy, the overload of alcohol and the rapid-fire Korean coming out of Clint's mouth making him dizzy.

Hey, wait, was that Natasha back --

 

Tony cracked his eyelids open and winced as the dim light bored through to his brain.

Shit. Shit shit shit, he was so hungover.

He blinked a couple of times and slowly, so slowly, sat up. He was on the couch in the common room. 

_Oh, thanks so much for taking me to my own damn floor, Clint and Natasha._

Assholes, both of them.

Tony ran his fingers slowly through his hair. A shower of purple glitter cascaded to the floor, sparkling in the sunlight.

"What the hell?" he muttered.

"Penny took a liking to you," Clint's voice came from the doorway. Tony slowly moved his eyeballs while keeping the rest of his body perfectly still. He could just barely see Clint in his peripheral vision, leaning on the door frame, his arms crossed over his chest, smirking.

"Penny?" Tony asked after a few seconds.

"Yeah," Clint said, at full volume, the jerk. "Penny Tration. She took a liking to you after your turn on stage."

"I don't sing in public." Clint was such a liar.

"You did last night. _If I Was Your Girlfriend_. You're certainly no Prince," Clint definitely was talking louder, " but you weren't bad."

Natasha suddenly appeared next to Tony, looking none the worse for wear in a pair of jeans and a fitted tank top Tony couldn't appreciate properly in his present state.

"How is it that I'm hung over, and you two are all...sprightly and chipper and shit?" Tony complained a little too loudly for his own head's liking.

"I roofied you," Natasha replied calmly as she handed him a glass and four very large pills. He swallowed them down without even bothering to check what they were. "I was going to take advantage of you in your incapacitated state, but your entourage was too enthusiastic for my taste."

Clint laughed, the bastard. "If you can remember back that far, you had a bit of a head start on me."

Tony turned, slowly, toward Natasha.

"Unethical Soviet experimentation," she replied with a shrug and a microscopic upturn of her lips.

Bitch.

A few moments later, realization hit him. "Oh god, I sang a Prince song? In public?"

"You sang _four_ Prince songs," Natasha helpfully supplied as she took the empty glass from him and set it on the coffee table.

Tony groaned and buried his face in his hands. "Why didn't you stop me?!"

"I didn't dare mess with your drag queen posse," Clint chuckled. "The _New_ New Power Generation got pretty fierce by the end of the night."

Tony had a hazy recollection of a large number of perfumed women draped over and around him. "Were there two named...?"

"Yeah, Peaches and Cream. That's where songs three and four came from. It was sweet the way you sang with them sitting on your lap like that. Or straddling, I should say."

"Oh god, Pepper." She was not going to be happy about Tony getting stupid drunk in public again.

Clint walked over and sat down in a chair. "Don't worry about Pepper, man. I facetimed her when you were in the middle of dedicating your first song to --" 

"Barton, I've told you, Facetime is the iphone--"

"--and Starkphones do SVCs. Yeah, I know," Clint talked over him. Loud. So loud. "Facetime is still easier to say. Anyway, Pepper thought the whole thing was sweet."

"And I told them," Pepper interrupted as she entered the room, "that it was maybe the least problematic thing you've done in _years_."

"Oh, yeah, Pepper's on her way over." Clint shrugged. "Did I forget to tell you?"

Tony mustered up the energy to flip Clint off, then returned to his slump on the couch.

"Good morning, Tony," Pepper said brightly. At full volume. "You stink."

"Love you, too, sweetheart," Tony muttered loudly enough for them all to hear. He was surrounded by unsympathetic assholes.

"Hey, I'm not the one who was cavorting around drunk with a cadre of drag queens last --"  
"-- first it was an entourage, then a posse, now it's a cadre? Next you'll --"  
"-- I hope you at least got lucky after Clint ended the SVC --"  
"-- platoon of glitter-covered hussies --"  
"-- the way Peaches was grinding on you while --"  
"-- when you know perfectly - - That was Peaches? How do you know?"

"They all introduced themselves to me over the SVC, and I wasn't fall over drunk, so I remember their names."

"Hey, I remember their names! I just don't remember which name belonged to which queen. And can we stop arguing? Still hungover here." He buried his face in his hands again.

"What I'm curious about," Natasha broke in, at low volume god bless her, "is this 'Homogenous Parts Rule' you mentioned last night."

Clint snickered, and Natasha shot him a murderous glare.

"Technically it's the _Homogenous Body Parts Clause_ ," Pepper corrected her. "It's part of our contract."

"Your contract," Clint deadpanned.

"Yeah, we had some discussions when we first started dating," Tony mumbled through his fingers. "Pepper thought it would be a good idea if we formalized them, so there wouldn't be any misunderstandings. She wrote the subsection regarding Mutual Partners, I supplied the HBP Clause."

Pepper smiled impishly. "We added that one when Bruce moved in." 

"Things make sense now," Natasha said to no one in particular.

"That's all you have to say?" Tony asked disbelievingly.

"I've walked in on you giving Bruce a blow job on six separate occasions," she pointed out.

"So?" Tony asked defensively, his contrariness giving him the energy to lift his head.

"You never tried to bribe me to keep my mouth shut; it makes sense." Natasha shrugged, and a shit-eating grin spread across her face. "And now I get to fuck your girlfriend."

"I believe I have a say in this," Pepper observed dryly.

Natasha pulled off her tank top; she wasn't wearing a bra.

Pepper's eyes got that glazed look Tony knew all too well. "Yeah...o-kay..." She moved to Natasha's side, took her arm, and started walking her toward the exit.

"Wait!" Tony protested. "Where are you going? We're not going to have a threesome?"

"Goodbye, Tony," Natasha called over her shoulder, her fingers making quick work of the buttons on Pepper's shirt.

"Don't I at least get to watch?" Tony called after them.

" _Goodbye_ , Tony," Pepper said firmly, cupping Natasha's breast and leaning in for a kiss after they stepped into the elevator.

"That's not fair! I'm already suffering, and now you're going to leave me with an unattended hard-on. I'M GOING TO GET BLUE BALLS!" he shouted the last at them, then winced and closed his eyes. He was going to get back at them, somehow. His head hurt too much to try to figure out how just at the moment, but he would come up with something.

x-x-x-x

"I could maybe get that for you."

"Hmmm?" Tony opened his eyes as Clint sat down next to him.

"That unattended hard-on you were just whining about. I thought, maybe..." Clint paused, suddenly uncertain. "Unless your homogenous thing is an exclusive deal with Bruce?"

"NO!" Tony immediately answered. "I mean, um. No, it's...an open agreement. I mean." He sighed. "Can we just pretend that I was smooth there?"

Clint chuckled. "It'll be our secret." He reached to unbuckle Tony's belt. "It's only going to be a handy because you are in dire need of a shower, but I haven't ever had any complaints."

Tony's eyes raked over Clint's arms, and he licked his lips. "Yeah," he agreed softly.

Clint unzipped Tony's pants and pulled his cock through the fly of his boxers.

"Oh god!" Tony gasped. He gritted his teeth and swallowed very deliberately. "If I, uh, puke when you make me come, don't take it personally."

"Nice." Clint rolled his eyes, but he reached for Tony's freed cock just the same.

It was over in what Clint would ordinarily proclaim an embarrassingly short time for Tony, but the guy was still severely hungover, and Clint _was_ amazingly skilled at giving handjobs, if he did say so himself.

Tony's breathing slowed, and he opened his eyes as Clint moved to the other end of the couch.

"You're not gonna puke on me, are you?" he asked suspiciously.

"No, I--" Tony closed his eyes and paused. "Oh, hold that thought."

"Maybe a shower would help?" Clint suggested.

"Yeah, that would be...good. Yes. Good." He stood and slid his pants and boxers off, barely regaining his balance before sweeping his shirt off over his head. "But first-- JARVIS?"

_Waiting for you in the kitchen, Sir._

"You're my favorite," Tony said as he brushed his hand back and forth over his hair, sending purple glitter flying everywhere.

_Yes, Sir, as you've said before. On a number of occasions._

"Ungrateful brat," Tony muttered as he made his way, bare-ass naked, into the kitchen. Clint followed, only enjoying a couple seconds of ogling before Tony disappeared into the other room.

When Clint entered the kitchen, Tony was just finishing a large glass of what looked like sludge. His head was tilted back, and Clint could see his throat working as he swallowed. 

Jesus. Hungover old man should not look sexy.

Tony set the glass on the counter and gave a contented sigh. "I feel better already." He tapped his lips with his index finger and added in a distracted tone as he looked around, "Now where can I find something to suck on to keep it down?"

Sparkling eyes landed on Clint, who snorted.

Tony gifted him with what he would never confess under any kind of torture was an adorable as hell smile and brushed purple glitter off Clint's shoulder. 

"C'mon, Phineas. You look like you could use a shower." He thumped Clint lightly on the back as he walked past. "When we're finished, we can go spy on the girls. Maybe join in." He threw a sly wink over his shoulder. "You and Natasha are both in the Acceptable Mutual Partners clause."

He started whistling as he headed down the hall. _Kiss_ by Prince.

Clint laughed and shook his head, then pulled his shirt off as he followed the whistling naked man.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, Clint sang Gangnam Style at karaoke. Also, his karaoke alias is from P.T. Barnum's name.
> 
> Thanks goes out to Amy for fixing some wrong words (then I changed stuff after she read it and undid her work, so don't hold it against her). She also gave me good Pepper stuff and also the thing about Natasha walking in on Bruce & Tony. She's pretty awesome.
> 
> Title is a Prince song.


End file.
